


Where are you now?

by Lemonitus



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, Character Death, Eren Loves Levi, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Levi Loves Eren, M/M, Suicide, ereri, much angst, riren - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-06-01 16:57:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6528379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lemonitus/pseuds/Lemonitus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi fucked it all up. Where was Eren now? Did he want to know?</p><p>Based off "Your Bed" by All Time Low (with much imagination involved).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where are you now?

Where was Eren now? Levi felt like a fool for asking. That boy crawled under his skin like a virus or a drug, Levi couldn't exactly tell and he did not exactly care because after all, he was the one to allow it, and after it, he wasn’t ever the same.

Levi threw the half burnt cigarette on the ground and stepped on it. This was starting to become a habit, but the burning feeling he got with every inhale of the nicotine was the only thing that was a proof of him being alive. He couldn’t smile anymore. He couldn’t laugh. He didn’t want to talk with anyone that wasn’t him.  

 

Levi kept walking around the allies until he found a bar filled with a lot of people. Not even caring about what he’ll do to his body, he orders a sketchy looking drink that a lonely looking woman next to him was drinking.

“What’s a handsome man like you doing in this pit?” The blonde woman turned to Levi. He sighed, not really wanting to share his life story with someone he had just met.

“Ah,” the woman started again, “so that’s how it is. You’ll need something stronger than my drink to help you. I’m Petra, by the way.” She laughed bitterly and extended her hand.

“Levi.” He replied as he shook her hand. “Hey Mike, it’s love trouble for this guy.” Petra started talking to the bartender while pointing to Levi, who soon after that got a dark green drink in front of him. “Drink up if you’re searching for oblivion.”

Little did she know Levi already has forgotten.

He has forgotten what a life without that green eyed, stubborn, annoying but at the same time lovable and comfortable boy was like.

Damn, did he love him. He loved listening about the ocean he had always hoped to visit from Eren, he loved all their playful fights. He never admitted it to the other but he always loved how the boy would hug him tightly. He loved listening to that dork complain about other people. It was almost impossible to describe how much he loved Eren. The chestnut brown hair that was never properly combed gave off a young aura from him, and all the children, and of course Levi, loved it. His emerald eyes that never seemed to stop shining. A nose Levi couldn’t describe by anything other than perfect. The thin, soft lips he couldn’t get enough of. The strong arms that were always there for Levi. He just had to love that dork so much.

And he just had to fuck it up.

_“Eren, you know you need to tell your parents about us soon.” Levi murmured, still cuddling with the younger one in bed. Eren visibly tensed up and turned to face Levi. “I know.” He said, sounding guilty. “But they won’t approve and I’m already on bad terms with them all the time.”_

_Levi knew the last time Eren had spoken with his mother, she ended up really upset because he joined the military. It’s been a while since that happened and Eren had regularly written letters to his family, but didn’t get to see them yet. Levi understood how Eren felt, and didn’t want to push it, but it was very frustrating that they had to sneak around like they were some angsty teenagers in forbidden love._

_“Yeah. But I don’t like this. What if we get engaged? Or get married? What will you do once your parents tell you that ‘they found a lovely woman for you and would love for you to meet her’? Everyone has eyes for you and I’m just one of the many you could have.”_

_“Levi, I promise you that you’re the only one for me. There will always be only you. It’s either you or nobody.” “Many people don’t seem to think that. Have you even seen the way that Reiner guy was looking at you?! And Jean is always on your case, not to even mention Mikasa. It feels like I’m just sharing you with everyone.” Something in Levi’s response seemed to anger the younger man as he got up from the bed and started dressing._

_“I can’t control those things, they’re my friends! You’re starting to sound like you don’t trust me.” “I do trust you, but I don’t trust th-” “-you don’t trust them right? Well news for you, Levi, even if they did do something, I would tell them to stop, push them away or something. I hate it when you treat me like a child just because I’m younger!” “Then start acting like an adult, and tell your parents about us!” Levi was now up too, feeling too annoyed to go to sleep now, even if it was 11pm. He could barely see the clothes he was putting on but it didn’t matter. Why was Eren being so stubborn?!_

_“I told you I don’t want to do it for now! Why does it have to be about you that I talk about when first seeing my parents after years?! I already write about you in my letters to them, you’re the start and you’re the end, must you have everything?!” “It just feels like you don’t think enough of this relationship okay!” “Really?! That’s what you’re going for? Need I remind you that I always deal with the crap you go through, I know I have a short temper and work extra hard to help you out while remaining calm whereas, like now, you turn it into a fight?” Levi remained silent after this. Eren was right. But he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. “Then maybe you should find someone that meets your standards.” Was the last thing Levi said before leaving the room, slamming the door behind him. He stayed there for a few seconds, but left once he heard a “Damn it!” followed by a loud thump._  

 

Levi thought once again of the fight, then smiled bitterly and downed the drink Petra ordered for him in one gulp. In about a minute the alcohol kicked in and Levi doesn’t remember much after that.

The next time he knows of himself, he’s sneaking out of a bed, with a familiar blonde stranger he met at a bar. This repeats for a while, different stranger, different drink every night. But it didn’t help. He needed Eren. Levi could only feel when he was with him. He needed Eren to feel again, he wanted to take him to bed once again and forget everything. But he was stubborn and stood by his opinion. He didn’t want to say it’s alright and make up, he just couldn’t.  

3 months after the fight, Levi decided the small town in Germany wouldn’t help him forget. He decided to travel the world and find oblivion, because it was starting to get obvious it wasn’t going to find him. He travelled to Greece, Italy, Holland, France, Britain and then expanded his journey to Asia and America. He found out a lot of things about different cultures, he tasted a lot of the national food. Levi even found himself making friends, which was surprising considering Eren always said Levi gives off an intimidating aura even when he’s doing a simple thing such as drinking tea.

Levi found himself often looking for things Eren would like, and he would take pictures or buy the souvenir. He was still angry about the argument they had the last time they’d seen each other, he didn’t find the nerve to say it’s okay because he stood by his point, but he decided to think of something when he gets back home. Perhaps that was the reason he was abroad for 2 and a half years. Levi never received any texts or phone calls from Eren, and he didn’t make an effort into doing that himself, but there were always times he would look what time it is where Eren’s military squad was stationed, and ponder about what he was doing. Quite a few times, Levi would picture Eren getting close to Mikasa, Armin and/or somebody else, but he managed to somehow stop that from ruining his mood. On one spring morning in Japan, Levi was having a cup of tea in a teahouse and watching the cherry blossom trees swinging from the light breeze. And that is all what took Levi to realize he didn’t want to be seeing this sight on his own.

He wanted Eren. It didn’t matter who else knew about them when they knew. It didn’t matter that their touches and kisses were secret, because they would both remember it for a lifetime. All Levi wanted to do right now was go back to Eren and apologise. Nothing mattered as long as Levi and Eren were together, and now that he realised it, Levi never wanted to forget that again and feel all this pain. As soon as he could, he went on a plane. He felt much more nervous than before, being scared that the plane might crash. The fear left him once the plane was in air. The whole flight went smoothly but Levi felt more impatient by the second. Once the plane landed and Levi picked up his baggage, he immediately found a taxi and blurted out Eren’s address. He wanted to see him and it was the only thing he could think about. He missed Eren so much, probably more than anybody should. But he wasn’t sorry. Because this is the man he loves.

Levi stopped for a second when he was in front of Eren’s door, because he wasn’t even sure he’d be here. He fixed his clothes, took a deep breath and.... turned around. What was he thinking? He needed a big bouquet of flowers. Which were Eren’s favourites again? Honestly he wasn’t even sure Eren liked flowers. Levi still decided to give it a go and bought a beautiful bouquet of sunflowers. Once he bought the flowers he returned to Eren’s porch. It was time to do this. Levi carefully clicked the doorbell, almost fearing it would break. Five seconds, ten seconds, no one answered. Maybe he wasn’t home? Levi did come unannounced after all. Perhaps he should leave the flowers? How about writing a note? He should’ve prepared for this. He knew Eren kept a bunch of sticky notes in his house, everywhere, so Levi decided to borrow one. Eren usually kept a spare key in a plant pot next to the door, and Levi was very relieved when he saw it there. Feeling more and more excited, with butterflies in his stomach, he entered the house he knew so well.

And the exact moment he entered, he was introduced to a sight he never thought he’d see.

Almost as in slow motion, the flowers and the keys slipped from Levi’s hands. The smile he wore only seconds ago was replaced with widened eyes as he rushed to the living room. There was his love. Eren was looking pale as snow as he was hanging off a rope attached to the ceiling. Levi trembled as he put a hand over Eren’s chest. No pulse was found and Levi found himself falling to the ground. It was then when he noticed something carved into the wooden floor, from Eren’s bloodied right arm he assumed Eren carved it by scratching the floor with his fingernails.

_‘Where are you now? Do I wanna know or am I asking for something that I know is gonna rip me open?'_


End file.
